Friday, August 24, 2007

I feel like a tangle of seaweed washed up on the shore.

Sending out an S.O.S to the world//

Recently, I've encountered this inexplicable yearning to be a foetus - suspended in the warm amnion of darkness, conscious only of my mother's heartbeat. It was probably when I was closest to her, unless you consider the brief span of time I spent outside the womb, nursing.

Let me tell you about my mother. If I had to use one word to describe her, it would be acute. Ambiguous, but appropriate. I wonder if it is because everybody holds the maternal chalice sacred, the vessel of our consecration, our blood our wine our blood. She used to read to me lying down. She once fell on her tailbone while learning how to roller-blade. She never roller-bladed again after that incident. She has a pretty good sense of style, which sadly, I have not inherited. She gets irritated quite easily. She used to lock me up on Saturdays when I was in primary school, and made me do assessment books. She used to buy me lots of books. She used to kiss me before I went to sleep and before she went to work every morning. She likes coconut, persimmon and bananas. She likes red. I like red too, but I don't think that it is congenital. When she used to scold me, she'd use phrases like "You'll drive me to my grave" and "I regret having you", usually both in the same sentence, latter before the former, i.e. "I regret having you, you'll drive me to my grave!" If I felt guilty, I could hug her and not feel guilty. Acute guilt and acute relief at the same time. She used to take 8 Panadols a day, because she got bad headaches. She's not that great at cooking, and she once burnt pork chops. First, and only culinary undertaking involving pork since.

But this is just a list of the things she did, or does. It doesn't tell you who she is. She still likes coconuts, persimmons and bananas and the colour red. She still has a great sense of style. She doesn't take 8 Panadols a day now, or even any Panadols for that matter, and I suspect it could be due to increased physical activity. I suppose then, you know (if you are acute too,) that some of the things on the list have been relegated to the past.

Anyway, just some random musing. It's not like I'm crumpled up here, crying over the PC, lamenting the loss of certain prvilieges. Well, even if I were, you wouldn't be able to tell anyway (:

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

- hit me a safety.
by @ 8:34 PM