Saturday, March 24, 2007

It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair.

I really need to refocus and everything. I keep panicking and doing all the wrong things. Not good, not good. We're playing a friendly against SAS tomorrow, a game in which I will try to psyche myself up for the later match-ups against Pei Cai and RG. I don't know why, but I just don't feel so enthusiastic nowadays, and I think I'm low-strung before, and too high-strung during. I don't want to be like this forever, being Potential. Please Noelle, for your own sake, focus. Do I not trust myself? Why am I scared? Why can't I wait to get the ball out of my hand? It works when I tell myself to feel the fear, but do it anyway. Training was alright, could have been more productive and better, although I don't think I did badly today, aside from not batting well.
Where is my drive? I need it back. Give it back.

I bought Continuum today. It's really really as good as it's cracked up to be, and more! Tried to look for some local authors but couldn't find many, so ):

If my mind had an eye, it would be All-Seeing. As much as some people claim that a Mind's Eye exists, there has never been any evidence that the mind possesses such an extension. Perhaps they are talking about vision. They say that people like Steve Jobs and Lee Kuan Yew and Steven Gerrard have vision. What does this vision mean? Does it mean being able to see into the future? What about not actually being able to see into the future, but being able to anticipate the likeliest occurrence? Then that isn't Vision, that's just Anticipation - Guesswork actually - and none of that is included in the faculty of seeing. When you look at something, you don't guess whether it is or it isn't, because in seeing it, you know that it is, or you know that it isn't, whichever the case may be.

This is the most basic definition of what an eye is:

1. An organ of vision or of light sensitivity.

Which is all good and definitive, but it kind of narrows the possibility of things being eyes. I'm not sure whether that is a good or bad thing, but Older and Wiser people have always told me that being narrow-minded is a bad thing. I suppose narrowness in general can't be that great. You can't walk through narrow alleys comfortably, or if ledges were too narrow you wouldn't be able rest your coffees (that taste like drainwater) on them, and if cracks were too narrow you couldn't slip your secrets inside them. I much prefer the more arbitrary definitions like:

2. The often differently coloured center of the corolla of some flowers.

My Mind's eye will be differently coloured than anyone else's, and I think that lots of people would have same coloured Eyes and since the human eye can recognise only about 30 000 different colours, my eye will be a colour that no one can recognise, and everyone will be puzzled by my eye. Only, they won't know that while they think they are watching my eye, my eye is also watching them, and it knows what they are thinking, what they ate for breakfast, how they said No to Action For Aids but Yes to a 75 dollar handkerchief, and how, in the prodigious force of company, they are utterly Alone.

And you leave me feeling DIRTY
'Cause you can't UNDERSTAND.

- I'm here. Hello.
by @ 8:34 PM