Sunday, January 28, 2007
Today, my grandma cooked lots of those little spring roll things filled with pork floss, and I know Jessie likes them and probably lots of people too so I shall bring some to school for sharing; Mummy is sick so we didn't go to church in the morning and I am going tonight, and I just want to have continuity in this blog post, like you know how Gabriel Garcia Marquez wrote 100 Years Of Solitude without any fullstops except the one at the end, and it was really jumbled up but isn't that how I'm feeling now, so it will be jumbled up; I don't want to be alone for 100 years though, seems too long and I'll get lonely and get sick but not die and I don't want to die from sickness, which reminds me of how when I told Yonghui and they all about dying from a skydiving accident, and she said something like how it feels like to die falling and the ground rushing up at you and then nothing, and that's not how a sane person would want to end her life, and now I kind of agree, although you never know how I'll feel at 77 - maybe I'll mellow and conform and not fight anymore because I'll be wondering what the use of fighting is anyway, and how I never got what I wanted my entire life and how I should have done more with it and how maybe I should have died at 45 like my friend Amandas, then maybe I wouldn't be wheeling around in some super-high-tech wheel chair or maybe not because technology will ensure that I can walk around normally; maybe I'll also be thinking about how even if something happens or doesn't happen or if you want it to happen and it doesn't that hoho everyone else doesn't know and life goes on like how the Beatles say that it does, and maybe we'll all end up with kids running in our yards and call ourselves Desmond and Molly Jones; and so we address this issue of continuity directly and indirectly by not putting fullstops, hey, I'm scared of punctuation because when you see a comma, you know there's more, but you don't know what more and it keeps you guessing until you read the next word and if there's one thing I hate, it's guessing, but it's a love-hate relationship because it's so delicious to not know, and to speculate and the whole thrill of the thing is in the possibility of everything BECAUSE you don't know but on the other hand sometimes you just want to stop because it's tiring and you feel like cutting out your brain and you know if that really is the case, then I think 100 Years Of Solitude probably has the longest opening line of a book ever.- we've nothing left to lose to lose my dear,
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